Housekeeping

A tiny bit of housekeeping before we start – you may notice this newsletter is coming at you from a different place! That’s because I’ve decided to ditch Substack for various reasons and revert back to the good ol’ web log… that’s right we bloggin’! This newsletter will now live on my website and as you’ve hopefully realised if you’ve already signed up previously you still are now!

If you’re new here and would like to receive this newsletter in your inbox whenever I infrequently decide to send them you can subscribe here (it’s free!) and see the rest of the tiny narrative archive here.

Okay on with the show…

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Lesbian small ads

(actually, I lied some are from bisexual women)

When I was researching my book, Thank You For Calling The Lesbian Line, I looked through a lot of lesbian magazines and feminist newspapers from the 80s and 90s and one part that I always stopped to read were the small ads or classifieds. In case you don’t know small ads¹ were advertisements that you would put in a newspaper that could cover all sorts of subjects, everything from a car boot sale to announcements about an event to those seeking accommodation or employment. They were a common sight in most newspapers.²

Sometimes they are called ‘want ads’ and in the context of lesbian life they often featured women who were wanting: those seeking to meet a friend or a lover: a new connection. Such personal ads were an opportunity for a queer person to put themselves out there in the hope that someone would reply. Like a very slow version of Hinge. Much like the function of the lesbian lines, lesbian and feminist newspapers became a way for lesbians and queer women to find one another (via snail mail) in the pre-internet era.

I love reading personal ads because they are the perfect tiny narrative. Before the limit of 140 characters on Twitter (remember that!) there was the character limit of the small ad and so getting your point across in the most concise but accurate way as possible was paramount. Acronyms are common: GSOH (good sense of humour), TLC (tender loving care), wltm (would like to meet), ALA (all letters answered). Being able to describe not just yourself, but your future potential partner (or at least your wants and desires) succinctly, was key to success.

The below are all ads from variously: issues of Spare Rib magazine (a feminist magazine that ran from 1972-93); Diversion (a 1980s lesbian magazine in Nottingham and the East Midlands) and Outright (a magazine for “gays, lesbians and bisexuals” that operated from 1990-7). The latter two are held in the Nottingham-based archive The Sparrows’ Nest which I highly recommend a browse through as much of their collection has been digitised.

These personal ads are only a tiny snapshot of some of the kinds of classifieds placed around this time. I’m sure someone much cleverer than me has made a study of lesbian small ads and how they changed over the years³ – or when they were posted in mainstream newspapers versus feminist and queer ones and what language was used to covertly signal queerness.

Many of the ads cover both friendship and relationships: when it comes to lesbians, bisexual and queer women they are often open to both – I think partly to hedge their bets but also it reveals the unique way that queer relationships (particularly between women and other marginalised genders) emerges often out of friendship. Sometimes continuing even after the romantic relationship has ended:

Lesbian, 43, professional, sincere, non-smoker, animal lover, varied interests, seeks friendship/relationship. Durham.⁴

Non-scene lesbian, young 37, professional. Loves countryside, music. Sincere, genuine seeks same for friendship/relationship. Wiltshire/Avon. Photo appreciated.⁵

The words ‘sincere’ and ‘non-scene’ pop up frequently. It makes sense that many of the lesbians posting small ads were ‘non-scene’ e.g. not part of the lesbian and gay scene, meaning either pubs and bars or other social groups. ‘Scene lesbians’ sometimes took on a negative connotation as being perhaps a bit of a player or someone who wasn’t looking for a serious commitment and presumably didn’t have trouble meeting women. The words ‘honest’ and ‘shy’ are other common descriptors and combined with non-scene it conjures the image perhaps of a different sort of lesbian, a bit more serious perhaps, more interested in hikes and book clubs than discos and boozing. It reveals perhaps the reason why they are posting a small ad in the first place. Going to a nightclub by yourself takes a degree of courage I don’t think I have. Not all the classifieds were of this nature but plenty were:

Attractive, intelligent feminine lesbian, 30s, non-scene, seeks similar. Leicestershire area.⁶

DERBY LESBIAN (24) sensitive, caring, honest, reliable seeks TLC. Age/looks
unimportant. ALA. Please write now⁷

Some women were very clear that they were looking simply for friendship – revealing how difficult it was sometimes to even find a pal to go drinking with or simply enjoy a shared hobby together:

Working class lesbian with sense of humour seek others for friendship only (any age) for boozy nights out or correspondence⁸

GAY FEMALE (33) shy, looking for f’ship. I like going out, walking, animals, stopping in, nightclubs. GSOH. ALA.⁹

On a similiar vein there you often see women placing ads if they are moving to a new city or are having trouble finding queer women in their area:

Lesbian (33) moving to Birmingham September 1990. Many interests, looking for friends/contacts in the area.¹⁰

Lesbian, artist, 27, moving to Newcastle September, seeks friends.¹¹

Woman, 29, likes music, cinema and some sports; would like to write to anyone, anywhere, especially Scotland¹²

Similarly, the word lonely is common – I can’t help but find these notices a little heartbreaking and can only hope they found the friendship (or more) they sought:

Lonely Lesbian, 30, seeks others. South Manchester area.¹³

LONELY BISEXUAL woman, early 40’s seeking gay woman lots of TLC to
give. Must have her own place. Nott’m only. Me femme, you loving & caring¹⁴

Of course star signs, a staple for some queer quests for love, pop up regularly both as a way to describe the seeker but also their future possible (compatible) partner:

Bisexual Scorpio, 24, feminine, graduated, unsure of next step. Likes sea, countryside, red wine, ladies cigars! After correspondence, friendships, relationship.¹⁵

R.U. FEMININE, Capricorn/Libran maybe? sincere fem female seeks kindhearted, humourous friends with gen. personalities! (24+) loves sport, music & travelling. ALA¹⁶

Others are very direct and give little away about themselves – sometimes less is more and I wonder if the intrigue they create by saying so little resulted in more responses?

STRATFORD-UPON-AVON AREA. Lesbians, 20s-30s – where are you? Let’s meet.¹⁷

Lesbian, 34. looking for someone special for lasting relationship.¹⁸

Occasionaly the classifieds are aimed at someone in particular. Such as this small ad below that is something of a modern day missed connections (I’m not sure what Hudsons was – a gay bar? a feminist bookshop? if you are an older East Midlands dyke reading this – let me know!):

In Hudsons, Feb 28th, You wore black skirt, blue shirt. You dropped book,I
picked it up.Our eyes met briefly – can I buy YOU a drink ? I wore large
coat,red face¹⁹

The detail of the red face is sweet too, presumably from blushing at their eyes meeting briefly. I am exactly the kind of person to have this experience and be too flustered to say anything in person at the time.

Then there are newly out lesbians and bisexual women unsure of how to make their first steps into this new queer world they have glimpsed at and hope that the classifieds will help:

Emerging lesbian, Leics. Tall, dark, 23, loves music, conversation, very loyal. Seeks similar 20 to 30 yr old friend for enlightenment.²⁰

Age 22. I would sincerely love to hear from lesbians (preferably single) from anywhere near Swansea.²¹

TWO 23 Y/O lesbians, just coming out & finding themselves in the gay-world, into sports, cinema, ding & fun seek sim. friends for socialising. No butch please²²

I’m choosing to ignore the lesphobic ‘no butch please’ there – a topic for a different time…

Let’s end on one of my favourite small ads – not just because it’s a dyke from my hometown but because their sense of personality shines through so strongly:

LEICESTER DYKE, sincere, caring, lovable, lonesome, homely, sexy, boyish
in need of love & affection, scene, cute & anything else you want me to be!! Within reason!!²³

I particularly enjoy the ‘within reason!!’ a little get-out clause if needed, as if they are worried they have maybe gone too far or sounded a bit too desperate, the exclamation points to me certainly read as someone who had a GSOH.

It’s just impossible to read the personal ads and not wonder about the person who wrote them and who might have answered their call for companionship. In much the same way in writing about the women who called the lesbian lines I can’t help but want to know the rest of their stories – did the lonely lesbian in South Manchester find someone in the end? Did that emerging lesbian find her enlightenment wink wink? Did that Derby lesbian find the tender loving care she was seeking? We can never know. There are so many tiny narratives left unfinished.

You can subscribe to this newsletter here. You can listen to an audio version of this newsletter here. The tiny narrative archive can be found here.

My debut book Thank You For Calling The Lesbian Line is out now and available from your local indie bookshop, you can preorder the the US edition here. Thank you!

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1. Unfortunately, I have discovered people younger than me do exist ↩︎
2. Now that I think about it as a kid I used to love reading the small ads in our local newspaper so maybe that is the origin story of my tiny narrative obsession ↩︎
3. If anyone knows an article on the subject please let me know!! ↩︎
4. From Spare Rib magazine, Issue 215, 1990, p.53 ↩︎
5. From Spare Rib magazine, Issue 215, 1990, p.53 ↩︎
6. From Spare Rib magazine, Issue 215, 1990, p.53 ↩︎
7. From Outright magazine, Issue 67, 1995, p.11 ↩︎
8. From Diversion, Issue 4, 1987, p. 2 ↩︎
9. From Outright magazine, Issue 67, 1995, p.11 ↩︎
10. From Spare Rib magazine, Issue 215, 1990, p.53 ↩︎
11. From Spare Rib magazine, Issue 215, 1990, p.54 ↩︎
12. From Spare Rib magazine, Issue 215, 1990, p.53 ↩︎
13. From Spare Rib magazine, Issue 215, 1990, p.54 ↩︎
14. From Outright magazine, Issue 67, 1995, p.11 ↩︎
15. From Spare Rib magazine, Issue 215, 1990, p.54 ↩︎
16. From Outright magazine, Issue 67, 1995, p.11 ↩︎
17. From Spare Rib magazine, Issue 215, 1990, p.53 ↩︎
18. From Spare Rib magazine, Issue 215, 1990, p.54 ↩︎
19. From Diversion, Issue 4, 1987, p. 2 ↩︎
20. From Spare Rib magazine, Issue 215, 1990, p.54 ↩︎
21. From Spare Rib magazine, Issue 215, 1990, p.54 ↩︎
22. From Outright magazine, Issue 67, 1995, p.11 ↩︎
23. From Outright magazine, Issue 67, 1995, p.11 ↩︎